Marriage and The Society: Engagement

After marriage bureaus find a girl for a boy or a boy for a girl then all the inspection is done by the parents of a boy and a girl. In that, everything depends on your image in the society. Even your family’s image and credibility plays a role in this process. No matter how people are from inside but they try their best to maintain the good image in the society. In other words, people are two faced. On one hand they will attend satsangs and there they will show their extremely religious side. On other hand they won’t even think once before cheating their parents and family. In short having double standards are normal these days.

Once the inspection is done or while it is going on, a panel from boy’s side and a panel from girl’s swap each other and take interview of a boy and a girl. After interview and inspection process, if both the families find that they are compatible enough then boy and girl meet each other. They are given sometime to say yes. It is mandatory to say yes until a big issue arises at the last moment or there is a valid reason to say no. While a boy and a girl are checking out each other, relatives of both the families start preparing for engagement. As they know that 90% it is going to be a yes. Ladies go for shopping and men start doing the arrangements for the event.

Once it is a yes, everyone starts preparing for a celebration. Everyone starts preparing for engagement ceremony. Engagement is a formal agreement to get married. It is a piece of cake for boy’s side. They get the assured giveaway from girl’s side. While for girl’s side it is a headache. Girl’s side have tension of what to give? & how much to give? They don’t know what boy’s side is expecting. So to save their image in the society, girl’s side try their best to meet expectations of boy’s side. If they don’t meet the expectations, boy’s side create scenes and humiliate the girl’s family. I don’t understand, a father give his girl, a family is give its daughter to boy’s side. Isn’t that enough? Why the hell boy’s side demand or expect materialistic things from girl’s family? What kind of tradition (rule) is this?

These days if a girl’s side gives less than the expectations of boy’s then there is a big problem but if they give more than the boy’s side expectations then also there is a big problem. What should girl’s parents do? If they give less then they have to face humiliation but if they give more then also they face humiliation.

A boy and a girl met. They liked each other. It was a yes from both the sides and both the sides started preparing for engagement. Boy’s maternal aunt had died couple of days before the meeting but then also they decided to throw a party. “We organise every function in a grand style.” Boy’s grandfather said to girl’s parents everytime they met. Thus they booked a banquet despite death in their family. Girl’s parents and family started preparing everything by keeping boy’s granthfather statement in mind. They bought best things from the market for giveaway to boy’s side. Girl’s father was really happy that her girl is going in the good family. So he didn’t care about the expenses in preparation of giveaway.

Happiness was in the air for the girl’s side. They prepared very well for the engagement and they were sure that they will meet the expectations of the boy’s side.

Girl’s side reached the banquet and there boy’s side was already waiting for them. “What is all this?” Boy’s grandfather asked girl’s father in rude tone as girl’s brothers were placing the baskets of fruits, sweets and chocolates near the stage.

“These are some sweets for the family.” Girl’s father replied with folded hands and head bowed down.

“Did I tell you to bring all this?” Boy’s grandfather raised his voice.

“What happened? Have we committed some mistake?” Voice of girl’s father went down with his head.

“Mistake? Have you lost your mind? Death has occurred in our family. Do you think we are in the mood of all this?” Boy’s grandfather started shouting at girl’s father and uncles.

“I beg your pardon. Please forgive us.” Everyone including waiters were watching all this. Within minutes happiness from the faces of girl’s family went away. They were standing with their heads down.

“Son, bring the money and give them Rs. 2 lakhs then only they will be happy.” Boy’s grandfather said to his son. Situation was getting out of control. Boy’s other family members and the guy himself took control of the situation and calmed the old man down.

What was the mistake of girl’s family here? Despite death in their family, that old man booked banquet, invited friends and relatives and said to girl’s side that we organise every function in grand style everytime he met them. Keeping all these things in mind, girl’s side prepared everything and they prepared everything pretty well then also they were humiliated. Does a father or a mother give birth to a girl to see this kind of a day? If a boy is everything to his parents then a girl is more than everything to her parents. It is not easy to give his or her child to someone after growing her up with all the love and affection for 20 odd years.

Humiliating girl’s side for money and materialistic things is very shameful part in the whole process of marriage. Not only marriage, It is very shameful thing in our culture as a whole. It should be eradicated from our culture like we eradicated polio from our country. And to do that, we need to vaccinate our older generations regularly.

In marriages, affluent people expect more in everything to prove their richness in the society.

Third chapter of marriage and the society comes to an end. In next chapter, we will look in to life after engagement.

Marriage and The Society: Golden Phase